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Archive for November, 2010

 If you Love something set it free

So how many times have we heard that quote?  If you look it up there are so many variations but basically the premise is….

If you love something set it free. If it comes back, love it forever (or it is yours), If it doesn’t then it never was yours in the first place.

When I tried to find the words to the quote above about setting something free, I found so many excellent quotes regarding the trials and tribulations of love and relationships…or friendships for that matter among other things.  So many in fact, that I will sprinkle them throughout this blog and the quotes will be in italic. 

A few weeks ago I wrote about “sometimes love isn’t enough.”  And at that time, I never thought I would be writing the following words for all to read.  But I am at a point in my life that I must admit it.  I am laying down my sword, putting on a suit of armor and once again, setting something free that I love dearly. There comes a point that “it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.” 

I am not defeated, I am not (as Pat Benatar put it…putting another notch in my lipstick case).  I am NOT bitter, I am just admitting that in my case, “love” isn’t enough.  

Think about it.  Your first crush (maybe playing spin the bottle and deciding that after that first kiss, “he” or “she” was THE ONE);  Maybe your high school sweetheart (meeting in the stairwell between classes or under the bleachers after the big game); your college main squeeze (the one you snuck into your dorm late at night); various relationships where you felt this was it for your future, your lifetime; Your first live in boy or girlfriend (who you thought would be the last); for some of you, maybe your first marriage. We have all been there and done that in one way or another. Think about how you felt when the realization hit…”This just is not going to work.”  Something had happened, something changed and most of us do move on.  Think about how you might have felt when the person was not on the other end of the phone line, you didn’t see them, talk to them, or spend time with them.  Think about how life just got in the way.  Maybe it was a good breakup and maybe it was a bad.  But somehow you endured, you survived, you actually lived through it!!! 

Eventually, over time. like a stream, we let our love flow once again further downstream, cutting new paths along the many twists and turns and obstacles in the riverbed – at times swimming against the current but usually making it through, day by day…wait … maybe minute by minute.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. ….Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.”  Neil Gaiman

One of my faults was falling for someone I had no right to fall for … I didn’t expect it, it was the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong situation, the wrong lifetime. 

I’m not supposed to love you, I’m not supposed to care, I’m not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I’m not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do…

If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.

Now, getting back to the first quote…I believe I am a very fair and strong person when it comes to trust. respect, manners, righteousness.  I have never been vindictive with anyone from past relationships as they are all my friends on facebook (go figure!!??  LOL).  We lived, learned and I do believe or hope that we do not hold grudges against each other for the failure of our relationships. 

I also believe that sometimes letting go of the one thing you love can actually show just how deep the love and care are.  Sort of like the old phrase “tough love.”  When you love someone or something so much that you can’t bear to be a part of what is happening,, the constant justifications, the consequences of the bond, the enabling of whatever might be going on.   

So I am letting go with LOVE today. Not hate, not envy, not anger, but pure love and care.     I am laying down my sword as I have no fight left in me.  Maybe some of you think this is the wrong thing to do, but the next quote by Dr. Joyce Brothers sums up where I stand today.  I am revealing my inner self and I am thinking of what is best, not how anyone else might react to my words or that I am speaking my mind, my feelings, or thoughts.    Bare, naked, vulnerable truth. 

Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you.  When you dare to reveal yourself fully.  When you dare to be vulnerable.”  Dr. Joyce Brothers

I know that these words might be a shock to some, confusing to others, some may assume they know what this is about, while others will be totally oblivious to the truths before them.  But sometimes it is better to just walk away in love, and harboring no ill feelings. Most relationships (or those that failed for that matter) or friendships can stand the test of time, those that cannot does not mean that good thoughts, wishes and love are not sent often.   But I always hope that the foundation of friendship is strong enough to withstand the obvious and that someday, whether it be days, weeks, months or years from now … the friendship part, the part I cherish, will emerge, as strong as I thought, or believed it was.  I have always believed that for any relationship to survive there had to be a genuine friendship, a foundation that connects one person to another, common interests, care, love and above all trust.   I guess Julia Roberts put it the best…..

You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”  Julia Roberts

Now, getting back to my blog from a few weeks ago. No matter where life’s path might lead I wish you ENOUGH always, ENOUGH of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, Love, happiness, prosperity, laughter, health and fun – even if I am not a part of your happiness.  

Maybe in time you will understand my words, my thoughts or where these words came from or why.  But in this moment in time, it is what I have to do, for me and especially you.

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